What triggered me to write this post was an event where after nearly 20 odd years of marriage, a couple got themselves a divorce. Rather pitiful I would say, and the cause of the divorce is adultery on the male’s part. This said couple have grown up children and what made me upset was probably the fact that the lady from this marriage will probably never find another love and she has the added responsiblity of sponsoring her child through University.
What was even saddening was that this couple were committed through a love marriage.
So what went wrong?
Adultery
You know the lady divorcee was really a dependent weak soul. She knew about this adultery and yet did not do anything about it for years. She silently stood by a scum of a husband so that she could give her children a tiny resemblance of a family, which really was already broken the moment the guy left for another woman. I mean, this guy had a child with his mistress even before the divorce was finalised.
WHY DID THE LADY STICK WITH HER MARRIAGE?
Its only when you meet someone that you truly deeply care for, when that person will affect your entire lifetime, its when you’ve potentially met your soulmate. I still donot believe in the ability for someone to have more than one true love. I am a traditionalist in that way. I do believe that Marriages should last forever. You know how people say, I have fallen out of love with so and so and therefore am seeking a divorce, I wonder if they ever ask themselves why they got married in the first place.
THE M word, is a sacred union, is it not? Why are people being so reckless with it? And after marrying and you find that your partner is cheating with someone else, why put up with it?
I wonder.
After 20 odd years of marriage, what would make someone fall out of love? Why is this happening? Does this mean you’ve not met your soulmate?
My guess is, they weren’t soulmates, their love was a temporary infactuation which lasted them a few years. And the two divorcee cheated themselves both by being in a marriage without fully understanding that.
That’s why committing into Marriage is called a sacred union, you have to be absolutely sure that you wouldn’t mind growing old with your partner, you wouldn’t mind seeing the same face over and over again.
Then the real question is, how do you tell when its true love?
I can’t help you there. Maybe I should consult a love guru or something. You know….And I have pre-penned questions to ask.
1. Is this my soulmate?
if yes,
2. Will you place a bet on your life for it?
So if my marriage fails, I have someone I can potentially kill and make myself feel better.
-_-
I guess, there has come a time where people should not be afraid to grow old alone. Very sad and tragic but its the truth. I don’t think anyone has the right answers to how a marriage should work. If you love someone, you marry them. If it doesn’t last, its not the end of the world.
But I hate the defeatist attitude divorces has now placed on people.
“If it doesn’t work, you can always file for a divorce!”
Can someone please delete the D word from human Vocabulary and Dictionary?
Anonymous said
Hi,
Very sorry about the unfortunate situation the family is faced with and my wishes and prayers that they gain strength to overcome their travesty.
I read somewhere that it is not the type of marriage, arranged or love, that fails, it is the people.
Cheers.
s_malfoy said
I wish them the same too. Rejection of feelings after 20 odd years is painful. If it had been me, I can’t say I would know what to do. But I guess life has to go on. And the victims, they have to succeed in whatever they choose to do.
And that is a good thought. People fail. So true.
s_malfoy
The Real facts said
I have very little sympathy for women who get cheated on. They chose the men that they married and in the process ignored many good quality men. Many women use superficial criteria to choose a man (such as race or appearance) and as result invite trouble.
smalfoy said
The real facts,
With this particular case, I hate to admit I did think the lady deserved it at first. Because its true, what you say. Well at least in this case the lady did allow the guy to cheat on her.
She could have walked out much earlier, but probably her pride and beliefs might have stopped her from doing that.
With your idea on how women use superficial criteria in choosing a guy , I don’t think its bad necessarily but often when choosing a handsome guy, you fail to see character. Sometimes, you hit the jackpot. A handsome guy with good character. But how often is this the case. So does this mean then that women shouldn’t expect their partners to be decent looking? (Well, decent looking is subjective and its my opinion,)
Having said all this, I think since you’re referring to women who get cheated on, it is quite silly and they may deserve it but MEN too are to be blamed as well. An union is for two people. Both parties have to play their part. I don’t feel its only women who are to be blamed in failed marriages. I feel both the man and woman are to be blamed and they’re both equally to be blamed.
In this case, the man cheated on the lady. The guy gets to be blamed for cheating.
And the woman gets to be blamed for allowing the man to cheat on her. If she hadn’t allowed it, had spotted and admitted cracks in her marriage, it would have saved her lots of emotional heartbreaks.
And the lady who the man cheats with is by far the worst.
Thanks for your comment, the point about superficial criteria as a means of choosing someone is something I have thought of before and its something horrible too.
I can stand women choosing men with good features but I don’t have any respect at all for women who choose men with money, especially men who are two-three times older than themselves.
s_malfoy